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According to wikipedia.org, “A contract is an exchange of promises between two or more parties.”. “An agreement is said to be reached when an offer capable of immediate acceptance is met with a "mirror image" acceptance (ie, an unqualified acceptance).”. In other words, someone offers you something and you completely accept their offer with no reservations you have a legally binding contract. “Technically, any oral agreement between two parties can constitute a binding legal contract.”.
What does this have to do with relationships? Well look at this classic chain of events. A woman likes a guy. Maybe she's not forward about it. Maybe she doesn't tell the guy she likes him , but she behaves in such a way as to attract the guy in a subtle, “lady-like” manner. The guy notices her, likes what he see's, and he makes her an offer. He offers her dinner and to take her to a movie. She accepts. They now have an oral contract. The girl fixes herself up. She puts on her nicest clothes. She spends an hour putting on makeup. She applies some perfume. The date is succesful and from that point on, whenever she know she's going to see the guy, she goes through a similar routine. If the guy is just coming to see her at home, she may not dress herself up the same as she did for the first date, but she still does something similar. She puts on her best casual clothes, a little lipstick, and just a hint of perfume. Not as much as she would for a date, but more than she would if it was just a girl friend that was visiting. The next date they go on, she does the “full works”. She dresses in her nicest clothes, puts on the full makeup, and perfume. It's not just her dressing up either. When he comes over to her place, she waits on him with great care. She invites him inside, offers him a seat, and something to drink. On occasion she cooks for him and she serves him first before serving herself. She puts on her best behavior as if she was entertaining royalty. What she may or may not realize, is that she is making another offer through advertisment. She is saying with her actions, “If this goes far enough that you decide you want to marry me, this is what you're getting.”
Let's look at another advertiser. A website has an offer for an Apple iPhone. It's cheaper than any in the stores. You order it. You've just involved yourself in a contract. They offered you something and you accepted. After two weeks you recevie the package you've been waiting for. You even have friends and family standing by to be the first ones, along with you, to see your brand new Apple iPhone. You hurredly open the package and are soon met with disapointment. As soon as you look at the contents, it's obvious it's not a real Apple iPhone. The housing is cheap. The documentation you expect from Apple is not in the box, but instead is a one piece folded paper with badly xeroxed instructions. The charger for the device looks as though it may fall apart. This is not what was advertsied. You had spent hours on that website looking at the pictures of the iPhone you ordered. This is not what you agreed to. Whether or not you can take them to court, they have technically violated the contract you had with them. You didn't get what they had promised.
Back to our couple. They keep seeing each other and their relationship grows. She keeps dressing up special for him. She keeps wearing perfume everytime she sees him. She always puts on at least a little makeup. If he drops by unexpectedly, she gets someone to entertain him, while she changes into something better. She brushes her hair, washes her face, puts on just a little makeup, and a hint of perfume. She treats him like a king. She even has him sit down while she takes off his shoes and massages his feet. She's advertising. She's making an offer. It's not a verbal offer but it doens't have to be. It's an offer never the less. If you accept me as the woman of your life, this is what you'll get.
So how do things turn out? They are married now. They've been married about four months now. She almost never wears makeup anymore. It's a hassle and it takes so long. She only wears it sometimes if she's going somewhere. She never wears perfume anymore. She only wears her best if she's going to the mall. No more foot massages. He can take his own shoes off. He can serve himself at the dinner table, and she's serves herself first. He even has to fix his own breakfast most of the time. She's violated the contract. By her behaviour, while dating, she promised something. But when he accepted her offer by accepting her as his wife, he didn't get what she offered.
He acts different too. He's not romantic like he used to be. He doesn't bring her flowers. He doesn't shower her with attention. But he feels like she's broken the contract so what else should she expect from him. He knows other guys in the same situation. Like his wife, once they were together, their wives quit doing all the things they use to do before marriage. Many of them now have girfreinds their wives don't know about. They were wanting things how they used to be before marriage and it's not. So they found someone that would act the way their wives did before they got married.
He won't do that though. Even though he feels dissapointed and that his wife doesn't love him he loves her. So he's just hoping and waiting for the day that what he was offered by her actually arrives.
A relationship is like a contract. When you are dating, how you act is what you are advertising. You are leading the one you're dating to believe, that if you were to marry, that's what they would receive. Many wives feel like their husbands don't love them anymore. They need to think to themselves “Why has he changed? Could it be because of me? Has he changed because I changed?”. Men need to ask themselves the same thing. Did she change because of you? From years of experience I can tell you that often one have of a couple changes and it causes the other to change. So if your'e in a simialr situation. Remedy your failed contract. Look back at when things were good and see who or what changed first, then change it back to how it was before things went bad. Ladies, if while you were dating, you promised by your behaviour, things like foot massages, never letting him see you without makeup, etc etc, maybe you need to go back to doing those things. That's what you promised. Guys if you were always bringing her flowers, then maybe you need to go back to bringing her flowers.
Contrary to what people think, there is no perfect relationship. I'm sure that even before the problem with the forbidden fruit and getting evicted, Adam and Eve had some problems in their marriage. They were human and humans aren't perfect. Imperfect plus imperfect can't equal perfect. Relationships are hard work. Couples work hard to impress each other while they are dating. They need to work even harder once they are together and living in the same house day after day.
It's your choice. You can work hard to make your relationship work, or your relationship can join the other relationships in the realtionship junkyard.
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